What is a Phoenix? According to Wikipedia, it is a long-lived bird that is cyclically regenerated or reborn. Associated with the sun, a phoenix obtains new life by arising from the ashes of its predecessor. Symbolically, the phoenix is associated with immortality and life after death.
When I think of the phoenix, I think of the ability to transform, to renew oneself even when it appears that death is imminent. These days, I think the ability to transform oneself, to change with circumstance is imperative. In this age, it may feel that little is certain, not our jobs, our relationships, even our day-to-day safety in the institutions we take for granted. So much of our lives feels beyond our control. Whether it is an unexpected job loss, divorce or death, at some point in this life, we all will be faced with challenges we hadn't expected or prepared for. We will be caught flat-footed, uncertain and perhaps ill prepared for the new life before us.
Too often when faced with sudden change, we become paralyzed by indecision, lack of confidence or knowledge. We stew in bitterness, anger or apathy. We focus all our energy on either on trying to retrieve what we have lost, blaming and punishing those we feel have wronged us or reminiscing about better times. Before long, years and opportunities have passed while we remain stagnant. The more stagnant we become, the more difficult it becomes to imagine any other life for ourselves. We settle into a state of dissatisfaction and comfort ourselves by observing other people's unhappiness and rationalizing that this must be the norm. But I don't think it is or that it should be. I think these moments are opportunities -- opportunities to re-imagine ourselves, to refashion ourselves, to reinvent ourselves.
If we continue with the metaphor of the phoenix, it is important to remember that only one can exist at a time, much like various incarnations of our life. Perhaps the death of one life is simply providing the opportunity to live another. The Phoenix Function is just that. It is that skill, that quality that makes it possible for us to re-imagine and ultimately recreate ourselves from the ashes. I think we all should know how. But this can't happen without a fundamental paradigm shift.
The Paradigm Shift is this one. Our lives are not fixed or solid. They are organic living things that must evolve in order to thrive. The shift that must take place in our consciousness is releasing all of ideas about what our lives should be and embracing what is. This isn't, necessarily about accepting unhappiness or dissatisfaction but about using that emotion as information to transform our lives. It is also about embracing the possibility of something different in our lives, sometimes, a life we never imagined possible.
What I am thinking about are the people like myself who find themselves in the middle of their lives, looking around and wondering how they got there. Why their lives have not lived up to their expectations, if they missed a turn, if they somehow failed. If you are anything like me, you take inventory of every decision, every action, every move you have made since you have been in a position to act for yourself and wonder how on earth did this happen. Was it when I did such and such…Perhaps I should have … or why didn’t I…?
Fill in the blanks.
Speculation upon speculation, increasing uncertainty about your abilities, the world around you and everything you have been taught haunts you daily. If you are like me, the weight of it, your so-called failures and self doubt weigh more heavily as you get older and you still have no idea what to change, much less how. The fear of making a decision and enduring another disappointment becomes unbearable so you chose to lose yourself in something else – drugs, alcohol, children, television, family drama, work, exercise, food – until either it becomes another burden or you forget the dreams you had entirely.
Some of us will refuse to give up. We will work even harder -- study, research, and take classes. We will consult life coaches, religious leaders, and psychics. We will pay whatever it takes. Read every book and attend every seminar, and spend hours on our knees in prayer. We will move away from home, closer to home, hoping that a change in geography will inspire a change in ourselves. We will do whatever it takes to find the answer to the question we are afraid to voice aloud – How did I end up here? Why didn’t my life turn out like I planned?
Is it me? What is wrong with me?
I want to say nothing. Nothing is wrong with you. Life is messy and chaotic but it is also full of opportunities for joy, even if it doesn't look the way you thought it would.
Trust me, I am not, by nature, an optimist. I tend, by all accounts, to lean towards pessimism and discouragement. Optimism is work for me. Nor am I a therapist or psychologist or theologian or philosopher.
I'm the woman who's had three different careers and the same amount of committed relationships. I'm a single mother and a writer, looking to publish. I'm not an expert in any particular field.
I've just been there. I know how it feels. I've looked my life, shaken my head and said, I shouldn't be here. But I was and I survived.
I can't offer you solutions to your problems. I don't have them. I can offer a forum for discussing them, a way of shifting your perspective about them so that you can embrace a life that may surprise and delight you, as mine has.
When I think of the phoenix, I think of the ability to transform, to renew oneself even when it appears that death is imminent. These days, I think the ability to transform oneself, to change with circumstance is imperative. In this age, it may feel that little is certain, not our jobs, our relationships, even our day-to-day safety in the institutions we take for granted. So much of our lives feels beyond our control. Whether it is an unexpected job loss, divorce or death, at some point in this life, we all will be faced with challenges we hadn't expected or prepared for. We will be caught flat-footed, uncertain and perhaps ill prepared for the new life before us.
Too often when faced with sudden change, we become paralyzed by indecision, lack of confidence or knowledge. We stew in bitterness, anger or apathy. We focus all our energy on either on trying to retrieve what we have lost, blaming and punishing those we feel have wronged us or reminiscing about better times. Before long, years and opportunities have passed while we remain stagnant. The more stagnant we become, the more difficult it becomes to imagine any other life for ourselves. We settle into a state of dissatisfaction and comfort ourselves by observing other people's unhappiness and rationalizing that this must be the norm. But I don't think it is or that it should be. I think these moments are opportunities -- opportunities to re-imagine ourselves, to refashion ourselves, to reinvent ourselves.
If we continue with the metaphor of the phoenix, it is important to remember that only one can exist at a time, much like various incarnations of our life. Perhaps the death of one life is simply providing the opportunity to live another. The Phoenix Function is just that. It is that skill, that quality that makes it possible for us to re-imagine and ultimately recreate ourselves from the ashes. I think we all should know how. But this can't happen without a fundamental paradigm shift.
The Paradigm Shift is this one. Our lives are not fixed or solid. They are organic living things that must evolve in order to thrive. The shift that must take place in our consciousness is releasing all of ideas about what our lives should be and embracing what is. This isn't, necessarily about accepting unhappiness or dissatisfaction but about using that emotion as information to transform our lives. It is also about embracing the possibility of something different in our lives, sometimes, a life we never imagined possible.
What I am thinking about are the people like myself who find themselves in the middle of their lives, looking around and wondering how they got there. Why their lives have not lived up to their expectations, if they missed a turn, if they somehow failed. If you are anything like me, you take inventory of every decision, every action, every move you have made since you have been in a position to act for yourself and wonder how on earth did this happen. Was it when I did such and such…Perhaps I should have … or why didn’t I…?
Fill in the blanks.
Speculation upon speculation, increasing uncertainty about your abilities, the world around you and everything you have been taught haunts you daily. If you are like me, the weight of it, your so-called failures and self doubt weigh more heavily as you get older and you still have no idea what to change, much less how. The fear of making a decision and enduring another disappointment becomes unbearable so you chose to lose yourself in something else – drugs, alcohol, children, television, family drama, work, exercise, food – until either it becomes another burden or you forget the dreams you had entirely.
Some of us will refuse to give up. We will work even harder -- study, research, and take classes. We will consult life coaches, religious leaders, and psychics. We will pay whatever it takes. Read every book and attend every seminar, and spend hours on our knees in prayer. We will move away from home, closer to home, hoping that a change in geography will inspire a change in ourselves. We will do whatever it takes to find the answer to the question we are afraid to voice aloud – How did I end up here? Why didn’t my life turn out like I planned?
Is it me? What is wrong with me?
I want to say nothing. Nothing is wrong with you. Life is messy and chaotic but it is also full of opportunities for joy, even if it doesn't look the way you thought it would.
Trust me, I am not, by nature, an optimist. I tend, by all accounts, to lean towards pessimism and discouragement. Optimism is work for me. Nor am I a therapist or psychologist or theologian or philosopher.
I'm the woman who's had three different careers and the same amount of committed relationships. I'm a single mother and a writer, looking to publish. I'm not an expert in any particular field.
I've just been there. I know how it feels. I've looked my life, shaken my head and said, I shouldn't be here. But I was and I survived.
I can't offer you solutions to your problems. I don't have them. I can offer a forum for discussing them, a way of shifting your perspective about them so that you can embrace a life that may surprise and delight you, as mine has.
